Friendships can be a lifeline in a messy, chaotic world. In “The Women,” that’s exactly what they were. If I learned something about friendships from the three brave nurses, it’s the importance of showing up for a friend. In the good times and bad, Frankie, Barb and Ethel were always there for each other. They were consistent, loyal and sacrificial in making a way to be present and supportive time and time again. No matter the cost, they made it happen. 

There are friendships throughout the Bible that we can learn from, too! During my book club meeting where we were discussing “The Women,” my mind was also thinking about lessons to be learned from the friendships found in Scripture. More specifically, I was thinking about some of the different types of friendships God’s Word models. Here are five different types of friends you might benefit from having in your life. (Note: While this list includes several different types of relationships, I’m taking the liberty of assuming that they were friends on some level.)

1. The friend who’s with you heart and soul. You have work buddies, right? In the Old Testament book of 1 Samuel, King Saul’s son, Jonathan, had a loyal armor-bearer whose name isn’t mentioned. 1 Samuel 14 tells a story about a day when Jonathan decided to cross enemy lines into the Philistine camp without telling his father. Actually, he didn’t tell anybody! …except his armor-bearer, who went with him. Jonathan was stepping out in faith, trusting that God would act on their behalf as they took on the Philistines alone. And although the plan involved a fair amount of risk and danger, his armor-bearer was all in. “Go ahead; I am with you heart and soul,” he said in 1 Samuel 14:7. (SPOILER: God did act on their behalf, and the two young men’s success ended up triggering a bigger battle that brought Israel the victory they’d been seeking.) Everybody needs a friend who’s with you heart and soul. You know, that friend who you can go to with your crazy ideas and half-thought-out plans… But you still know they’ll be on board to back you, no questions asked. What a comfort it is, knowing those people exist in our lives. They are the ones we can turn to when it feels like nobody else will understand. The heart and soul friends. 
2. The friend who’s not your age. I love the relationship between Ruth and Naomi! As you may recall, Naomi lost both of her sons, and she gave her daughters-in-law permission to leave her and return home to their families. She was prepared to fend for herself, even in a male-driven, patriarchal society. In a tremendous display of love and loyalty, Ruth chose to stay by her side. “Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God,” Ruth told Naomi in Ruth 1:16. The rest of the book of Ruth tells the story of these two women who faced the world together. The unlikely combination of Naomi’s mature wisdom and Ruth’s youthful energy and determination played out in a life of risk and reward for the pair. Do you have any friends who are a couple decades older than you? Or a couple decades younger? When I first started teaching, one of my closest work friends was 40 years my senior. I learned so much from her as a young, idealistic teacher who was trying to find her way. She was the first person to teach me the value of intergenerational friendship, and I’ve been so thankful for several such friendships since.
3. The friend who’s different from you. Have you ever stopped to think about the diverse group of people who made up Jesus’ core group of disciples during His years of public ministry? There were some fishermen, a tax collector, a zealot and several whose professions we don’t know. But we know enough to know it was an eclectic group of men. The fisherman and tax collector combination alone is striking! Well, really, a tax collector grouped together with almost anybody else is fascinating. Why? Because tax collectors were not well-liked people back in Biblical times. They were collecting money, sometimes unfair amounts, from citizens living under oppression. Can you imagine some of the first interactions between Peter, a Jewish fisherman of humble means, and Matthew the tax collector? We already know Peter had a bold personality. Put that personality in close confines with a man who’d been working for the oppressive Roman empire, and there were sure to be fireworks. But despite their different backgrounds and life experiences, the disciples were united in one important way—they were followers of Jesus. As time went on and the unique crew got to know one another, I’d like to think that their diverse life trajectories made for some special and uniquely powerful connections once they were all walking in the same direction together. Not only did Peter and Matthew perhaps learn fishing or accounting skills from each other, but maybe they also gained valuable life insights and wisdom based on the other’s experiences. If we’re only friends with people who are similar to us, we miss out. I’ve learned so much from my friends who are different races, who have different family backgrounds, who hail from different professions, and who have different daily habits and routines. God created a beautifully diverse world. One way to enjoy it is through diverse friendships!
4. The friend who will have faith for you. Sometimes life gets us down. There’s no escaping challenges, sadness and unexpected struggles. When you are down, you need a friend who will do whatever it takes to get you back up. More specifically, best case scenario is a friend who loves Jesus who will have faith on your behalf if you’re feeling weak or maybe even doubting God’s goodness. Maybe that friend will text you Bible verses or prayers when you’re dealing with the loss of a loved one. Maybe that friend will come pick you up for church when you’re feeling depressed and struggling to get out of the house. Maybe that friend will meet you for coffee and just speak Jesus into your heart and mind in a season when you’re having a hard time seeing Him in your life. Mark 2 tells the story of a paralytic whose friends brought him to Jesus to be healed. When they got to the gathering, though, there was no room left. So, they made an opening in the roof, lowered down their friend on his mat, and Jesus healed him. My favorite verse in this story says, “When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, ‘Son, your sins are forgiven’” (Mark 2:5). Who is their? The man’s friends. They had faith for him and made things happen! After Jesus forgave the paralyzed man’s sins, He instructed him to get up and walk home, and he did. Find a friend who will have faith for you and make moves in your life when you need them most.
5. The friend who’s independent-minded. Nobody wants a friend who just says everything you want to hear, right? …who just blindly follows rather than thinking for herself? Having an independent-minded friend might mean you have a few disagreements and differences of opinion along the way, but I think there’s some comfort in that. To know someone thinks for herself and doesn’t just let other people or opinions sway her is to know that she has strength of will and independence of mind. She likely tends toward boldness and courage, and she’s not going to get pushed around. Paul and Barnabas show us another example of work buddies, this time in the New Testament. These two gentlemen played important roles in the spread of the early church, as chronicled in the book of Acts. They traveled together, teaching and encouraging believers throughout Asia Minor and Europe. But in Acts 15, they had a disagreement. Barnabas wanted to bring John (called Mark) with them to their next location, but Paul didn’t. Paul remembered a time when Mark had abandoned them, and it seems that he simply didn’t trust him again yet. The two friends were unable to get on the same page about things, so they parted ways. Barabas took Mark and headed for Cyprus, while Paul took Silas and set out through Syria and Cicilia. They both continued doing the work of the Lord! I absolutely love that there are clues later in the New Testament that suggest Paul and Barnabas came back together down the road. But in this particular instance, they each had their own personal reasons for standing by a certain conviction, so they decided it was best to do their own things for a while. I’d like to argue that it’s valuable to have a friend like this—someone you respect enough to let do her own thing for a while, even if it’s different from your own personal preference, and vice versa. Bottom line, both Paul and Barnabas continued spreading the Gospel, and if you think about it, they covered twice as much ground while they were separated! And I’m willing to bet that God grew them in new and different ways while they were apart. Having an independent-minded friend might help you learn new things about yourself, and it might even teach you a little humility. Let’s hear it for the people in our lives to think for themselves and teach us that it’s okay to have different opinions and go about things in different ways.

Do you have each of these types of friends in your life? If not, will you pray and ask God for them? Perhaps the Spirit is stirring in your heart right now, impressing you with a conviction about one particular kind of friend you need. Ask God for that friend! Or maybe the Spirit is prompting you to be one of these kinds of friends for somebody else. Who in your life needs a friend to have faith for her? A friend who’s with her heart and soul? Is there a younger or older person at work, church or in your neighborhood who God wants you to befriend? Maybe God is letting you know that it’s okay to take a different path than one of your friends right now and be independent-minded. He might have something ready to teach you through that situation. Friendship is a gift. Of course, this is not an exhaustive list of different types of friends, but it sure is interesting to think more carefully about a few different kinds of friends we see in the Bible. Whether your life is currently full of friends or you’re praying for God to build up the missing friendships in your life, let’s thank Him for the beautiful gift of fellowship, camaraderie and companionship. Thank you, Jesus!